It’s amazing to me how someone I love with all my heart can make me feel absolutely powerless, lost and angry. I call her my threenager – an alternate version of my beautiful, loving, sweet and kind little darling Madison. My first born, who for as long as I can remember has always been my little shadow, always wanting to be in my arms or by my side. My little best friend who is so full of energy and always making us laugh, she has so much beauty in her and she makes me proud everyday. And then there are these other days – where I have tell her no more chocolate (she already had two mini’s from Halloween) and she becomes my biggest hater. Screaming at me and running into her room, closing the door and hiding in her bed under her pillows. Or when I let her know it’s bath time, which she normally loves but not today she doesn’t, getting angry with me and running away so I can get her.
What did I do? Although she is still my little shadow she is different now, she’s able to tell me just when and why I have upset her so, and all the things I am doing wrong – and sometimes, honestly I see red. I find myself feeling so much anger,so much frustration – maybe with the situation and the fact that I can’t control my little person all of a sudden. I mean, I’m the adult right, I should be able to handle this but sometimes I just can’t. I’m too tired from the night before (up with Mila so late) to attempt to reason with her or the laundry is taking up far too much space in our laundry room and I must get it done so spending 15 minutes explaining why we don’t yell is just too mentally exhausting, so I just walk away which just makes me feel like a failure.
I don’t know if there is a way to deal with this not a baby not yet a kid phase, but if so I think I’m failing. Whenever I feel like the limit has been pushed I give myself the time out. I don’t want to raise my voice all the time (even though I sometimes feel like I do) but that wont help. Eventually she will become immune and assume it’s the norm and I’ll lose the little authority I have. But how do you enforce the rules without giving them a little fear? And how do you set boundaries without making them afraid of you? I don’t want her to fear me, but know that when mom means business, she MEANS business. Maybe I should just type that into google…”how to let my daughter know I mean business”….
Some days it seems like she wakes up already annoyed, I’m not sure how considering she’s 3, she has very little responsibility and yet she will moan and groan like she’s having a bad already! And don’t get me started on the whining, so far my very least favorite thing about having a toddler is the whining, I truly can’t take the sound and find myself completely unable to talk to her once she begins that. And while the terrible two’s were filled with throwing herself on the floor and crying, the tumultuous three’s brings the attitude and storming off when she’s mad at us and non-stop whining. I try to remain calm and explain myself very clearly on why she ‘can not have this’ or ‘can not do that’ so that she can understand why I am doing or saying these things in hopes that she will understand but it is very hard to reason with a toddler – almost impossible. For those of you that have one, you KNOW what I mean, right?! And when all else fails and tensions begin to rise, I walk away. Maybe a few minutes for us to calm down with help the situation.
Having said all that there is some good in this new found expression, and it’s the conversations. Having her respond to my questions and ask me questions back is just the best, the funny things they come up with just reminds me how grown up she is which is terrifying. As frustrating as these days can be I know it won’t last long and I try my very best to embrace it all, the good moments and the tough ones.
The hardest part in all these changes is learning to deal with the mental stress. As soon as you think you have them all figured out and are killing motherhood they go ahead and flip the switch and remind you that you know nothing at all. This is my first time raising a toddler so this is all new to me, hopefully by the time Mila is at this age, I’ll have it a little more down and know how to navigate all her emotions a little better. But on those bad days where I lose my cool or I can’t seem to get her to understand are the toughest and so emotionally draining. I can’t help but feel like I’m failing and doing a terrible job, the feeling of defeat is intense and overwhelming and the feeling of getting so frustrated with your little is upsetting.
Everyday brings a new struggle and I don’t have an answer on how to deal with all these changes (sorry guys) but I do know how I try and cope with the stresses of motherhood.
When I have my time out or quiet time (whatever you want to call it) I write myself a note reminding myself that this is all apart of motherhood, to keep calm and remember how much I love these girls, through the worst of times and the best of times. I remind myself of some of my favorite moments and how this time with her or them is fleeting and she will be in school in a year and to enjoy our time.
Sometimes I have to stop and remember that I am stronger then I think and to find the peace inside myself to be more patient and to say “you got this”
I scroll through some of my favorite pictures of my girls on my phone to give me all the feels of love and remember how sweet they CAN be. “All moments aren’t always this tough, right now is just a bad moment and it will pass” I’ll tell myself. (sometimes I’ll even say a prayer lol) Ask for the strength that I don’t have right now and for the peace inside to be better.
How do you guys deal with your tough days?
Good Luck mama’s (and wish me luck too!)
Michelle and the minis xo